Dead ?

It's been a while.
Wow.

Etc., etc., etc.

"You called me out just to see if I can be real enough."

A trip to Borders is just what the doctor ordered. I feel so at peace when browsing through beautiful literature, even the smell of a fresh paper-back sends chills through me. Lame? Well you can go suck a d-ck.
I'm afraid I'm falling back into that melancholy black whole full of memories & misery. Just curious, why f-ck with my head ? A text every now and then, bringing up the past, talking to me like we were together, all so F-CKING confusing. Whatever. Okay, I need to dwell on other things.

I want these. I think they're wonderful, although they have low ratings. I found these at GoodWill for a mere $15. Oh the excitement I felt, then crushed when they were a size 5. Alas, I am a size 7 1/2. So you can imagine my disappointment. & they were these EXACT boots. So I found them at Urban, for $100 (sale price). -____-. Oh shoot me, cruel cruel over-priced fashion industry.

On an ending note, I need to find something amazing, something great. I don't really know what the hell I'm looking for, but when I find it... who knows. Inspiration has struck recently in many different way, whether it's designing&sketching, or even writing a story. No, this blog is a poor representation of my work. It is a mere place for me to vent to you, for something a little more juicier, I should post up my diary. That would get your blood pumping, haha. Au revoir.

"I won't be coming back."

Haven't blogg'd in a few days. Alright more than a few. Work work work, but in the end it all pay$$ off. Saved up to a grand in the course of 2 months, that's really good. News ! I'm buying my own car, the rentals aren't really helping. So, time to take control. On my own. Anyways. Life.
Wow, how things can change in the matter of a few days.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Sluuuuuut, not saying that I would do that, because f-ck no I wouldn't.

Finally after 2 years of contemplating, waiting, hoping, & dying, I can finally say I'm happy. Boys would come & go, and never did I give them the fighting chance to have something real. I felt as if I couldn't give them my all, or even try with them, they didn't mean much to me, just a passing fancy or my cure to loneliness for the moment. But after this morning, I have my head straight. I can have something real. That one question I've been asking in my head everyday, every second. Answered with a simple "No." Funny how I tried to act all nonchalant about it. Although it felt like heartbreak all over again, I felt relieved, closure. As if a thousand tons of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was, surprisingly, Happy. Of course silly stupid vengeful thoughts came into mind, like DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS. As if that makes anything better, ha, even at work "DTF. NOW." They were just thoughts, not planning on doing either of that at all, haha. Love is something I've held on too for much too long, but I feel no remorse, nor any pain. As long as he's happy, so am I. But I just want to say ThankYou for some of the best times I had in my high school life. I do Love him, & it is hard to forget your first Love. But everyone goes through this in life. & I've been going through it for way too long. Suppressing all these feelings, unanswered questions, reminiscing, etc. That chapter in my life is over, time to write a new story.

But now that that is over and done with... lets party ! Funny thing is, I've changed, matured, grew up, etc. Motivation to change was him, hoping he can see that people do change. I guess I changed for him? But in the end I'm doing it just for myself, and I don't plan on going back to that filthy life style I had just because things didn't work out the way I hoped it would. I have nothing to prove, nor anyone to prove it to but myself. Registering for new classes, transferring to Cypress college. Why do I feel so elated as I'm typing this? I guess Christmas came early for me.

Haha, siiiikeeeeeeeeee.
I hate alcohol.

Im hot, your cold.

Listening to the Jonas Brothers. Amazing, I never listen to them or Hannah Montana.
Went to Savers thrift store today, that was an adventure. Found this turquoise sequin dress for $5, I figured I could buy it then totally redesign it. I'll put up some sketches when I'm not lazy. Nicholas was overjoyed to find a pair of roller blades in good condition for just $12. Maybe later I'll add something more interesting to read for this post.

We're going Downtown.

Found this dress is Melrose like a year ago.
Never wore it until today, couldn't fit it.
Used to be a tubby kid.


Here we go. When I think about life&etc, I know what I'm capable of doing. What I could be. Hopefully. I've been writing in my MacBook in place of my Diary, and I have been writing like Edgar Allen Poe. Too bad some stuff is not meant to be posted on the internet. So, here's to blogging.

Anyways, Downtown Fullerton is a wonderful little street, busy as f-ck though, traffic wise. There's tiny restaurants here&there, little antique stores&salons, then the fabulous vintage finds. From Buffalo Exchange to American Vintage. Too bad I left empty-handed today. But I found the most adorable little gold jacket threaded with black roses from the 80's at GoodWill. It has the signature puff sleeves. Inspiration has struck for my Christmas outfit :].

This is Nicholas.
My inspiration.