"I won't be coming back."

Haven't blogg'd in a few days. Alright more than a few. Work work work, but in the end it all pay$$ off. Saved up to a grand in the course of 2 months, that's really good. News ! I'm buying my own car, the rentals aren't really helping. So, time to take control. On my own. Anyways. Life.
Wow, how things can change in the matter of a few days.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."
Sluuuuuut, not saying that I would do that, because f-ck no I wouldn't.

Finally after 2 years of contemplating, waiting, hoping, & dying, I can finally say I'm happy. Boys would come & go, and never did I give them the fighting chance to have something real. I felt as if I couldn't give them my all, or even try with them, they didn't mean much to me, just a passing fancy or my cure to loneliness for the moment. But after this morning, I have my head straight. I can have something real. That one question I've been asking in my head everyday, every second. Answered with a simple "No." Funny how I tried to act all nonchalant about it. Although it felt like heartbreak all over again, I felt relieved, closure. As if a thousand tons of weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I was, surprisingly, Happy. Of course silly stupid vengeful thoughts came into mind, like DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS. As if that makes anything better, ha, even at work "DTF. NOW." They were just thoughts, not planning on doing either of that at all, haha. Love is something I've held on too for much too long, but I feel no remorse, nor any pain. As long as he's happy, so am I. But I just want to say ThankYou for some of the best times I had in my high school life. I do Love him, & it is hard to forget your first Love. But everyone goes through this in life. & I've been going through it for way too long. Suppressing all these feelings, unanswered questions, reminiscing, etc. That chapter in my life is over, time to write a new story.

But now that that is over and done with... lets party ! Funny thing is, I've changed, matured, grew up, etc. Motivation to change was him, hoping he can see that people do change. I guess I changed for him? But in the end I'm doing it just for myself, and I don't plan on going back to that filthy life style I had just because things didn't work out the way I hoped it would. I have nothing to prove, nor anyone to prove it to but myself. Registering for new classes, transferring to Cypress college. Why do I feel so elated as I'm typing this? I guess Christmas came early for me.

Haha, siiiikeeeeeeeeee.
I hate alcohol.